Passions of the Christ
Or - Who Would Jesus Do?

It’s all a crapshoot these days to know what anyone’s feelings are on the subject of sex, let alone sorting out the lusty stirrings of prominent members of history, like Jesus of Nazareth.  Many have tried.  Some come off sounding like Jesus held no Y chromosome and his asexuality was his stepping stone to heaven.  No saintly stone throwing here.  Others hold firm to the fact that the Nazarene was a man, with testosterone, urges and more than a little butt-scratching.  If there had been remotes in those days, most certainly Jesus might have been a remote hog, according to the braver scribes of today’s visions of history. A preponderance of text must be waded through in order to finally highlight some very enlightened and interesting work by some of good writers of our age.  

Masculine traits are rare in our image of this man, but it is precisely this lack of masculinity in the imagery and descriptions of Jesus that have made him such a fascinating study. The world has both professional and amateur scholars attempting to sort the Christ’s personal life from his son-of-god shtick, who are not always successful at it.  More often than not, some of it comes out in a rather diametrically opposed jumble.  You’ll have to see for yourself, but take it all with a light heart. If you start to take this stuff too seriously, you’ll find your thoughts taking uncomfortable u-turns in logic. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.  As I said, it’s all a crapshoot. 

For the purposes of our discussion, is probably one of the best places to start.  Their views on same-sex marriages will give you an indication of the non-partisan stance of this website.  This one you can take seriously if you want, but much of what we’re musing over today is all circumspect and pretty non-cloak and dagger. Take it for what its worth.  Yet another perspective, but in this case a decently solid perspective, if indeed there is such a thing. A further url for the more tedious passages of the bible, debated. 

Or does a Bible Sex Quiz tickle your fancy?  Landover Baptist, perhaps one of the funniest irreverent sites on the web, gives you a quiz with questions like –  

“Which of the following may lead to you and all your descendants being cursed?”

 -          Stripping off all your clothes and lying around naked, for others to see.

-          Getting so drunk you pass out naked, for your whole village to see.

-          Accidentally seeing a person naked and telling others about the shameless  debauchery.         

 Only at that site will you see articles with titles like “Pastor orders Christian men to think only of Jesus while masturbating” and trust me, it’s worth the read if you aren’t easily offended.   

At you can read Was Jesus a Stoner?”  And we ALL know how pot affects hormones.   

Or try a   selection is from this book project, Jesus and the Mysteries of Same-Sex Love. From the opening chapter, it describes with the discovery of a fragment of text from a lost version of the Gospel of Mark. 

Maybe a bit of true lawyer stuff based on the fact that - Even Jesus knew hookers
A lawyer invokes the name of the Lord to aid his client, but fails to win his case.

As you can see, the reading is plentiful in all arenas of Jesus’ lusty pursuits, and some are more fun to read than others. 

What it comes down to is – Does it really matter?  There are those who theorize that Jesus produced offspring (Holy Blood, Holy Grail) and those who say he never had impure thoughts whatsoever. 

Who’s to say?  We can only speculate.  But we can have some laughs on the road, eh?






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